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Majority of Mac users ‘have second PC for porn’

'a perfect mother to all my files'Most Apple Mac users keep a cheap and nasty Windows PC ‘on the side’ for the use of internet pornography, according to a piece of research from Onan-online magazine.

The magazine polled 450 men and found that 85% of Mac owners refused to sully their beloved luxury product with ‘sleazy’ material. ‘It doesn’t feel right using my Mac for you-know-what,’ said Rob Jones, a graphic designer from Stoke Newington. ‘That’s the keyboard I’m writing my novel on.’

Ricardo DeSousa, editor of Onan-Online explains: ‘Having a Mac is like having a really hot model for a girlfriend. She’s expensive and picky but she looks great sat on your table in a coffee bar. A PC maybe a bit embarrassing, but she’s cheap, good to go and she let you plug in two mice at the same time if that’s your thing.’

The survey also found that a lot of men had problems gaining an erection in-front of their Macs. ‘Therefore a lot of guys get a PC on the side, but keep them hidden away in draws or under the bed. They don’t take them out, don’t show them off to friends, they just drag them out when they’re horny. It’s sad but these PCs are normally happy for whatever they can get,’ explained DeSousa.

Doug Selwyn of Shoreditch says his PC is a risk, but lets him go home and enjoy his Mac even more. ‘I love the buzz of doing it secretly on a risky Windows computer. It might crash, it might get a virus, it might share your browser history with your missus. The thrill really turns me on, but also lets me appreciate my Mac for what it is, a lovely object and more of a long-term commitment thing. I want to build a family with my Mac.’

Microsoft are planning on capitalising on this research with an overtly sexual campaign built around the seedy allure of a ramshackle PC. A special version of their operating system is being launched called ‘Confessions of a Windows cleaner’, with the slogan ‘Relax, we can just type if you want to’.

Jaffacakes

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Posted: Sep 15th, 2010 by Guest

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