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Coalition government to define new poverty levels based on size of plasma TV

Nick Clegg’s speech will give a speech tomorrow confirming that anyone with a plasma TV under 37 inches is ‘marginal breadline’.

The minority of the country with black and white portables are to be given the maximum grant to bring them up to the expect 50″ LED back-lit screen ‘worthy of a society such as this’.

Clegg goes on to say ‘we, as a government cannot stand by while 37″ and smaller TVs dominate family life. Although we cannot confirm the full entitlement to HD on benefits yet, we must secure at least 44″ as a bare minimum, no matter what the cost’.

There was reportedly some confusion in Cabinet, with George Osbourne reportedly saying ‘Hang on, isn’t it the other way round?  The chavs have massive tellies and the knobs listen to Radio 4…’

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Posted: Sep 16th, 2010 by Guest

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