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Diners’ fury at ‘only order what you can pronounce’ legislation

'I'll have a 'for ti too', please'Food-lovers across Britain are downing their cutlery in protest today, after the passing of a controversial new law banning all restaurants from serving any dish that the customer cannot pronounce correctly.

The Culinary Language Standards Act requires that restaurant staff ascertain the linguistic competency of their patrons when taking an order, only agreeing to produce what the customer desires ‘upon an acceptable attempt at pronouncing the dish in the language of its homeland. Or at least not stabbing the menu and shouting ‘that one’’.

‘We offer an exquisite fusion menu inspired by the most exotic dishes of the far east,’ said Nattawut Prasobsuk, proprietor of the Bangkok Palace, Leatherhead. ‘But it’s no use preparing a dozen batches of sauce for our Gaeng Kiew Wan when most of the people around here can barely say ‘half rice, half chips’ once they have a few Singhas on board.’

Desperate punters are trying to get around the new rules by any means necessary. ‘Several of our regulars have tried using charades to place their orders, but we had to ban that too,’ said Mr Prasobsuk. ‘Seeing a hen night try to act out Hoi Ma Lang Poo Nung was putting people off their chicken satay.’

decades of confusion finally resolvedMany businesses are actively benefitting from the new law, with fish and chip shops reported to be doing a roaring trade. But other desperate restaurateurs have resorted to translating their dishes into English to restore business, although the move is proving unpopular with customers.

‘For years, the missus and I have always popped into the Simlar Tandoori on a Friday night and ordered a jalfrezi and a chicken korma,’ said Brian Thompson from Oldham. ‘But we’ve had to jack it in. I’m as multi-cultural as the next man, but there’s no way I’m sitting there ordering a ‘makes white man shit through the eye of a needle’ and a ‘ha ha – you pussy’.

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Posted: Sep 22nd, 2010 by jp1885

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