St Mary’s Collegiate, the flagship Academy School which opened in Wolverhampton in September, has reportedly been seized by Somali pirates and is en route to the gulf of Aden.
The pirates boarded the school yesterday after overpowering a small school secretary. ‘They all had excellent references from somewhere in Nuneaton and up-to-date CRB certificates – I had no idea there’d be trouble,’ said Alexander Graham, the Academy’s Executive Headteacher, who was thankfully offsite during the takeover. ‘I’ll admit this was somewhat unexpected, even though we had included ‘Attacks by Corsairs’ as a sub-section on our recent 140-page risk assessment report.’
The pirates have yet to issue a firm set of demands, but texts from students at the Academy indicate that any ransom might include a new X-box for the common room and a significant reduction in homework volumes.