Having trouble finding the ideal present for the social networking enthusiast in your life? Well the search is over! To celebrate Facebook’s five hundred millionth subscriber, we are proud to offer our readers this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to own an exclusive leather-bound printed version of the popular social-networking website.
Bound in the softest Nepalese Yak hide, these beautiful 130 volumes are fully illustrated and contain the cream of the Facebook community’s combined knowledge and wisdom.
‘I feared all my friends’ old status updates had been lost to history,’ remarked one proud owner. ‘But with my new hard copy Facebook, future generations will be able to enjoy all over again the times Kev told us he was ‘chillaxin.com’ and Gaz was ‘off out soon bt tekin it easy tnyt. Wana b fresh 4 2mrw :)’.’
‘I’ve been a Facebook member since the beginning,’ said another satisfied customer. ‘But I’d often wondered whether there might be an easier way to pore over people’s profiles and stalk ex-girlfriends. Well now I’ve got the whole website literally at my fingertips. The evenings just fly by as I catch up with all those unfamiliar faces and discover the charming and quirky ‘likes’ of friends of friends of friends. I haven’t been out in months.’
Readers can marvel at the multitude of high-quality images from around the world, including delights such as Sally Cresswell’s cat’s paw breast tattoos, 19-year-old Kevin Pearce’s recently smashed up Vauxhall Corsa (‘It was fuckin brilliant’), and Kelly Robinson’s adorable newborn’s first photo, first smile, first burp, first nappy change, first vomit and so on ad nauseum.
This unique offline-online experience would grace any home’s bookshelves or coffee table, and best of all it requires virtually no reading.
So what do you need to do to own this delightful set? The answer is nothing! We already know your name, date of birth, full address, next of kin, favourite colour, first snog and bank account details. By failing to untick a box on the 43rd page of your privacy settings we have passed all this information to our trusted third-party advertisers who will debit your account by £49.99 each month for the rest of your life.
Facebook – helping you connect and share with people you didn’t know you’d let into your life.