David Goose of Oswestry, Shropshire has accidentally found himself with the blood of 20 million Iranian’s on his hands today after inadvertently launching a nuclear strike on the nation whilst tapping in his personal details on his internet bank account.
I was expecting the usual ‘scam phishing’ warning on the screen, but instead there was just the question ‘Are you sure you want to execute this command?’ and two boxes marked ‘Yes’ and ‘No.’ I wasn’t sure which to choose, but the box marked ‘Yes’ had the word ‘(recommended)’ written after it, so it seemed fine.
‘How was I supposed to know that one simple typo on my ‘memorable name’ was going to immediately connect me to the Pentagon mainframe defence system computer?’ remarked a bewildered Mr Goose. ‘It was like that film War Games but without the ridiculously dated IMSAI 8080 computer and Matthew-bloody-Broderick’
Much to the relief of U.S. and Shropshire residents, Tehran officials have agreed not to retaliate following the strike. ‘Since it was an accident, and, furthermore, since we have not sufficiently progressed our nuclear reprocessing capabilities, retaliation would be pointless and not a little churlish’ remarked Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad from a Government bunker several hundred feet below the former streets of Tehran. ‘However we do note with interest that this devastating attack was all due to a programming error on the website of the allegedly ‘ethical’ Co-operative Bank. The irony has not been lost on us.’