Budget supermarket chain Netto is to offer its customers other supermarket named bags to spare the blushes of those now financially compelled to shop there. ‘As more and more people start to feel the effects of the government cuts, we have embraced a whole new clientele – the Self-Conscious As Now Kinda Skint,’ said Netto managing director Charles Kay. ‘Or as we like to call them, SCANKS.’
‘We’ve inherited customers from all our upmarket competitors, so have had to re-brand our carrier bags to avert the mortal shame of people who would never previously have wiped their arses on them. That said, after a few weeks of using our own brand toilet tissue, they may quickly become a more attractive alternative.’
From tomorrow, Netto customers will have the choice of transporting their purchases home in a range of branded carrier bags, including M&S, Harrods and Fortnum & Mason. ‘For customers with a sense of humour, we’ve even introduced a range of novelty bags,’ said Kay. ‘The “My Other Weekly Shop’s a Waitrose” are proving particularly popular, as are “At Least I Can Keep My Child Benefit”.
Other budget supermarkets have been quick to respond to the new trend for self-conscious economical shopping, with Asda announcing the launch of their pioneering ‘It’s Not As Bad As It Looks’ line and Lidl promoting its own range of ‘Tastes Like Chicken’ low-cost meat produce.