Chilean miners told ‘send the gold up first’

33 carat gold

The impending rescue of 33 men trapped in a collapsed mine for over two months has been delayed today as the rescue party insists that the miners load the specially-designed rescue capsule with large amounts of gold. ‘Obviously one can’t put a value on human life, but with 33 miners at 12 hours a shift for 67 days, we should be minted,’ said the head of rescue operations via his recently-hired butler. ‘I appreciate that the men are need of medical treatment for the physical and psychological wounds incurred by endless days of subterranean entrapment, but let’s be practical here – if they come up first, who’s there to load the stash? We’ll be back for them. Honest.’

But negotiations have reached a critical stage, with the miners insisting that they have the upper hand. ‘After two months, we have amassed enough cheap copper gold to live like kings,’ said miner Florencio Avalos. ‘Albeit kings with a penchant for Elizabeth Duke jewellery, but kings none-the-less. We’ve got everything we need down here. And besides, we’ve just heard that Starbucks are opening a new concession down here next week, so job’s a good’un.’

Mediators hope that the dispute will be resolved speedily, but separate talks are underway to negotiate the delicate matter of the miners’ return to work. ‘Obviously we have to allow time for them all to come to terms with the enormity of the mental and physical ordeal they have just endured,’ said employer Felippe Mendez. ‘So taking all that into account, we’ll be putting them back down the mine on Monday. After all the unauthorised holiday they’ve taken, frankly, they’re lucky to have jobs at all.’

Madjez & therustler

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Posted: Oct 12th, 2010 by

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