Rumours abound today following the news that Wayne Rooney has refused to commit his future to the Old Trafford brothel he has been frequenting for the past three years.
Rooney’s relationship with the brothel’s coach is at an all time low following recent disagreements regarding his fitness, with Madame F telling the press that he was out of action due to a ‘groin strain’ only for the potato-headed international to say that he was fit for action. ‘It’s pretty common knowledge throughout the brothel world that she’s just protecting him’ said old pro brothel pundit Gary Hanson. ‘His form has been poor this season, and this has taken its toll. He just can’t go the full 90 seconds.’
Rooney meanwhile has hinted he may be interested in a move to Old Trafford rivals, City, saying ‘I’ve always wanted to play abroad’.