A surge in pumpkin sales, up 4000 per cent on the previous month, could herald the beginning of the end of the recession and the dawn of a new age, according to chancellor George Osborne.
“The boom in the pumpkin sector, extrapolated across the entire spectrum of British industry, and projected over the next 12 months, suggests that Britain has never had it so good,” said Osborne, “I’m not going too fast for you am I?”
Osborne dismissed critics who claimed that pumpkin sales are not truly representative of the entire spectrum of goods and services that make up the British economy. “They’ll always find something to complain about, these BBC lefties. You’d get more balanced coverage from Man United TV. We just don’t like winners in this country do we?”