An East Anglia farmer is celebrating this morning after finally succeeding in ploughing a complete field without discovering any objects of extreme archaeological significance whatsoever.
“We can’t move for the bloody stuff,” exclaimed John Clarke of Wewerere Farm near Dereham, “Multi-million-pound hoards of ancient bronze coinage and ceramics ruin a perfectly good plough, I can tell you.”
Under the treasure trove laws Mr Clarke is required to inform the local archaeologist department in Norwich every time a new find is discovered. ”And that’s a right sod, too,” he grumbled. “We hardly get the tractor started before it’s out with the mobile phone and down they come with designer wellies, shiny trowels and Tony Robinson.”
Despite the joys of ploughing his lone furrow, Clarke is now considering giving up farming altogether. “Now I be earning tens of millions of pounds in treasure trove, the Government have taken away my subsidies, and I simply can’t make ends meet. Saxons? Bunch of Cnuts.”