Sky Television was subject to criticism today after a series of prison breakouts were apparently inspired by the broadcast of repeats of award-winning prisoner of war drama Colditz on the Yesterday channel.
‘I thought something was a bit wrong when there was a sudden interest in the prison allotment,’ explained Winson Green Prison Governor James Shanley after a break out of twenty prisoners on Monday night. ‘For weeks there’d been dozens of inmates just wandering around with their hands in their pockets, not getting much done in terms of actual gardening except piling it high with more and more top soil. Of course the other thing we missed was a ruddy great tunnel from the back of the showers running to outside the newsagents across the street, but you don’t expect to see that sort of thing so much in this day and age, do you?’
The nationwide spike in ingenious improvised break outs has been blamed on the ‘softly-softly’ approach of the former administration. ‘Give them the perk of watching Sky TV in their cells and this is the thanks you get,’ complained Home Secretary Theresa May, ‘we’re on the verge of a prison officers strike, thanks to experienced professionals taking umbrage at being called ‘Fritz’ or ‘the Goons’ by car thieves from Solihull. I can tell you now we will be reviewing policies, and where necessary appointing new Kommandants. I mean governors’.
While the crisis has so far been contained, with most of the escapees recaptured after being found speaking English in bad German accents and disguised as Nazi officers in the middle of Birmingham City Centre, the prison service is doing all it can to ensure there are no repeats of the latest spree of escapes.
‘It’s been terrible for morale for staff and the remaining inmates, which is vital in maintaining a modern progressive correctional facility,’ confessed the governor of London’s Wormwood Scrubs, ‘but I’m confident we can make up lost ground with the motorcycle mechanics workshops we’re currently running and everything will be right as rain ahead of the annual staff and inmate viewing of Christmas favourite ‘the Great Escape.’ ‘
Basil_B with thanks to therustler