Irate neighbours of Peter Dickson, announcer on TV show the X Factor, have requested that council officials impose a noise abatement order on him because of the disturbance caused by his booming off-screen voice.
‘Most people think that he just puts-on that voice when on the telly, but in reality he sounds like that all the time’ complained his neighbour Alice Warburton. ‘Last night I was just about to fall asleep when he and his wife apparently decided to enjoy an amorous moment. Before I knew it there was the booming instruction to ‘GET YOUR KNICKERS OFF WIFE! IT’S TIME! TO FACE! THE MUSIC!’ which was followed ten minutes later by something I don’t want to repeat. Frankly I don’t want to know what was going on when he announced ‘NOW IT’S THE GROUPS!’, I put my head under my pillow.’
Other neighbours are just as unhappy about the bombastic noise pollution, with a lot of local bad feeling prompted by the day Dickson volunteered for neighbourhood watch. ‘Most people promise to keep a look-out for strangers and unusual activity but Dickson climbed on to his roof with a megaphone and a pair of binoculars and told everyone what was going on in other people’s houses. And if Mr Chandwick at no. 4 has run-out of loo roll and had to use the Argos catalogue that’s his business.’
Other people affected by Dickson’s booming voice include his grandchildren who cry when he informs them that ‘GRANDAD’S GOING TO TICKLE YOU!’, and his telephone banking advisor who is now on sick leave with a burst eardrum. But Mrs Warburton insists its the community as a whole that is suffering the most.
‘There’s a lot of people got very upset last time he was in the library and bumped into an old pal,’ she explained. ‘It was full of pensioners and tiny tots who really didn’t need to know the intimate details of his recent prostate exam, and I’m not sure I’m going to be able to look at the GP in the same light ever again.’
‘Still, you live and learn,’ she commented, ‘and apparently ‘EVEN THAT WASN’T AS MUCH OF A PAIN IN THE ARSE AS THAT LOUIS WALSH!’