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Children’s talk ‘mostly bollocks’, scientist discovers

For years, it has been widely assumed that young children use and adapt language in a ‘fluid, creative and innovative’ way, but a five-year research project by Professor of Communication Studies James Montgomery has concluded that what the majority of children under the age of ten say is pretty much complete and utter gash.

‘Frankly, most of what the silly little sods come out with is an ill-digested gibberish mixture of half-remembered fact and half-baked opinions, interspersed with embarrassingly bad doggerel rhymes,’ he told a conference in Zurich. ‘In layman’s terms: it’s bollocks.’

Montgomery’s research methods have been described as ‘selective’ by the National Association of Six Year Olds. Chairboy, Tyler Henderson, also added that Montgomery bumped into a lorry and didn’t say sorry and furthermore is a poo in the loo.

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Posted: Nov 11th, 2010 by Oxbridge

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