A carnival atmosphere swept across the United Kingdom yesterday as it was discovered that the small island nation had been name-checked in former US president George W. Bush’s memoirs – and not just once! Citizens have been rushing to the shops to buy a copy of ‘Decision Points’ and sit in cafés with the book open at the page where Britain gets a mention.
‘Those who said we wouldn’t get anywhere with our pandering and warmongering aren’t looking so clever now, are they?’ said former UK Prime Minister Tony Blair. ‘Sure, he gets a few details wrong and adopts a slightly patronising tone, but Bush also says some genuinely nice things about us. Most importantly, though, he seems to know we exist. I honestly think we’ve finally arrived.’
The news has electrified the country. Britain immediately updated its Facebook status to read ‘Yay! Got a mench in Dubya’s book. LOL! OMG I’m sooooooooo excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!’ It is now phoning up all its friends, casually asking how they are before subtly introducing the subject of Bush’s new book into the conversation.
But while Australia, Canada and New Zealand seem genuinely pleased for Britain, France, as ever, has tried to rain on its parade. ‘They kept changing the subject and feigning that annoying Gallic nonchalance,’ said a Downing Street spokesman today. ‘When they were actually listening, they kept asking silly questions like ‘Wasn’t zat an illegal war?’. They’re just bitter. Still, they’d obviously read George Bush’s book because they pointed out that he’d spelled Britain’s name wrong.’
And with the UK now firmly on the map, Brits are keeping their fingers crossed that this is the break their country’s been waiting for. ‘They’re making a TV documentary about the Iraq wars,’ continued Blair, ‘and Britain might be in it! No promises, mind. They may have to get Texas to play the part of Britain because it’s a bigger box office pull, but you never know. But if we do get the gig, word is that we’d be a shoo-in for the best supporting actor gong at next year’s awards ceremony at The Hague.’
StoopydeGunt (with hat-tips to ronseal and De-scribe)