After the announcement yesterday that Prince William is to marry his long-term girlfriend next year, amateur royal observers everywhere have concluded that the news can only mean that Kate Middleton ‘has a bun in the oven’.
‘We’ve been speculating for months about the situation between the young lovers,’ said Frank Wilson, Royal Correspondent for the Three Stags pub in the Wirral. ‘Everyone’s been asking, ‘Will they, won’t they?’ Well, it seems he already has. Good lad.’
‘Yep, she’s definitely preggers,’ agreed fellow drinker Jim McMahon. ‘I said as much two nights ago just before closing, and what do you know? Just a few hours later there’s an official announcement from Clarence House that William is to do the honourable thing and take his bride up the aisle before it becomes bloody obvious. I’m delighted for all three of them.’
Patrons gathering at their local today seemed in unanimous agreement that ‘Kate done well for herself’. ‘Admittedly with William there’s only a light covering up top these days,’ said one drinker, ‘but then his brother’s a ginger, so if she was gonna go Royal, I suppose she could have done worse. And anyway, he’ll be wearing a hat for the wedding snaps.’
But the overriding feeling among royal supporters was one of relief that Middleton hadn’t allowed herself to be pressured into ‘getting rid of it’. ‘We’re delighted for the young couple,’ said pub landlord Dave Stanley. ‘Obviously the next job now is to set about choosing a name for the child. I’d say ‘Kyle’ has got to be a front runner if it’s a boy, and ‘Cheryl’ if it turns out to be a young lady. Something classy, anyway. Oh, and I’d strongly advise Will to get a pre-nup. Shopping at Harrods and holidaying in Paris should both definitely be out.’
Despite the optimism, Carl Rowe, a teaching assistant and regular at the Three Stags, is said to still be nervous about the marriage. ‘I’m sure it’ll be fine,’ he said. ‘It’s just that you wouldn’t want the baby coming out black or Chinese. Not with Prince Philip as great granddad.’