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Daleks lose Incapacity Benefit

Davros, leader of the Daleks, has reacted angrily to news that he and his creations will no longer be eligible for incapacity benefit.

Despite being confined to a wheelchair, having the use of only one hand and monocular vision, the brilliant but twisted scientist was informed that he would still be capable of undertaking basic clerical or catering-centric roles.

Davros, who is originally from the planet Skaro but has been living in Hammersmith since 2008, is said to have screeched at benefit clerks: ‘You dare to defy me. I am Davros! I am the creator of the Daleks, the supreme power of the cosmos!! You must, you will, OBEY ME!!! ‘I’m still getting the housing benefit though, right?’

Simon Woodburn, the benefits officer in charge of Davros’ case, said: ‘We got him a job right here in our Benefit’s Call Centre where his distinctive rasping electronic voice was perfect for directing callers to the Claimants’ Helpline. Then we found out he was telling them that as well as recording their calls for training and quality purposes, benefit claimants would be sought out and exterminated. Just because that is what the government are thinking, it doesn’t mean we are allowed to say it out loud…’

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Posted: Nov 26th, 2010 by Fin Robertson

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