Evidence mounts of worldwide conspiracy against you

it's all there, everywhere you look, in black and white

Long-held suspicions began to crystalise into a coherent theory for you last night, as a series of factors and events came to a head and seemed to point to some kind of global network of collaborators who are controlling and monitoring your life for a purpose you haven’t yet worked out.

Sources have confirmed that although you have always had a feeling that you are somehow different from everyone else, somehow detached from the rest of humanity, you have nearly always dismissed it as egocentricity. Now there are signs that this doubt has been fostered by close friends who have encouraged you to believe that irrational phenomena in the world around you, such as the Tamagotchi craze and the career of Damien Hirst, are merely evidence of it being ‘a crazy world’, and set-backs such as your divorce and this recession to be ‘just one of those things’, rather than the experiments to observe your reactions that they really were.

However, a spur of the moment visit to Blockbuster Video on a business trip to the other side of the country caused concern for you this week, as the staff seemed to both recognise you and be disturbed to see you. Your eye witness account suggests they rushed to lock a back-room full of DVDs, the door to which you could have sworn had your name on.

You then pieced together an elaborate theory, not too wide of the mark as it happens, that the DVDs probably had recordings of every job-interview you’ve had, every chat-up line you’ve tried, and every attempt you’ve ever made to speak French. You quite accurately concluded that they were being made available for rent to conspiracy members for them to laugh at you and your sad attempts to deal with the hurdles placed before you.

On your return from the trip, you then half-jokingly shared this idea of a conspiracy with your ‘best friend’ at the pub, who had been advised to say that he sometimes felt that way too, before going on to add some outlandish details of his own.

However, as of last night, sources close to you believe you are still unable to let go of the idea that the world is some kind of artificial construct to test you, which is why this article has been placed on the ‘internet’, as a double bluff to convince you that your suspicions really are just part of the human condition.

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Posted: Nov 30th, 2010 by

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