Scientists at the recent FIFA meeting that awarded the 2018 World Cup to Russia have discovered that people with long middle fingers are capable of increasing the severity of the traditional two-fingered V gesture.
‘Prince William’s gesture was noticeably more aggressive than that of David Cameron, who has a relatively short middle finger,’ said Professor Thomas Boycott from Cambridge. ‘The Prince’s gesture was a clear ‘Fuck you, you lying twat with knobs on’, whilst Cameron’s was more ‘Up yours, you stupid tosser’.’
V-signs have been given throughout history, with long-fingered people performing best. Short-fingered Winston Churchill’s gesture when telling journalists to stop taking photographs was incorrectly taken as a ‘V for Victory’.
‘Then again,’ added Boycott, ‘what about that short-fingered man who swerved to avoid me this morning and merely gestured to indicate I should eat a hot dog with plenty of ketchup on it? Most peculiar, in the circumstances.’