Untold national misery could follow David Cameron’s admission that he is a fan of 1980s indie band The Smiths. Songwriting partners Morrissey and Johnny Marr, who had previously ruled out any reunion, have been reconciled in their disgust over the Prime Minister’s unwanted attention.
‘If it takes a Smiths reunion tour to force the country into terminal national gloom and bring this government down, then so be it,’ said Morrissey. ‘Cameron, you can’t be a Smiths fan. You just haven’t earned it yet, baby. That was an obscure in-joke by the way.’
However Mick Perkins, Secretary of the British Gladioli Growers Association, said that a Smiths reunion would boost the economy: ‘Not only would a whole new generation of angst-ridden teenage boys be stuffing gladdies in their back pockets, but the whole country would be buying flowers to cheer each other up – it’s a win-win for us,’ he said.