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Man outsources own life

can now afford Sky, with all the extrasIn response to the bleak economic outlook for 2011, 39-year-old Barry Nugent of Canvey Island has taken the radical step of outsourcing much of his everyday existence in a bid to significantly reduce his overheads.

‘It’s really just a natural progression,’ said Nugent today. ‘I’ve always paid for a service wash at the launderette and a cleaner to come in once a week, so why not pay those same people to stand in for me at dentist appointments or my brother’s wedding? I’ve even got a team in Delhi dealing with my post, emails and phone calls. It’s made banking so much easier as they can do it all face-to-face.’

The move towards outsourcing began when Nugent asked his neighbour to pop in to feed the cat while he was on a lads’ week in Ayia Napa, and then never really cancelled the arrangement. Soon after he asked his newsagent if the paperboy could stop delivering The Daily Mirror each day and instead read it for him and provide a short summary of the main stories.

And by freeing up so much of his time, Nugent is now able to invest extra effort in those activities he still insists on performing himself, such as eating and watching sport on the TV.

‘My squash has improved no end since I got the county champion to turn out against my old schoolmate, but it’s also made me reconsider a few things,’ admitted Nugent. ‘For example, I realised I couldn’t any longer justify my trainers being made by underpaid Vietnamese children, not when the Chinese can do it so much cheaper.’

However, economists studying Nugent’s approach to living have questioned whether it is financially viable in the long term. ‘I got a pretty good redundancy deal when my company moved their IT support function to the Far East, so I’ll be okay for a month or two yet,’ he explained. ‘In fact, it was about that time that I contracted out my sex life to a number of reputable online providers – right after my wife outsourced herself to my best friend Roger.’

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Posted: Dec 30th, 2010 by NewsBiscuit

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