Round-robin reports another great year for La Cosa Nostra

greetings from Casa Gambini

The annual round-robin letter from the Grimbinos reports that New York’s most infamous Italian family has gone from strength to strength in 2010 and is eagerly anticipating 2011.

‘John ‘the Non-Stick Don’ Grimbino is settling in nicely in his new home, a high-security state penitentiary in upstate New York,’ says the letter’s author, Tony ‘Words’ Fuggedi. ‘He’s really made an impression with everyone there and has already amassed a record number of privileges and a very nice job in the prison library. In fact, there hasn’t been a single reported breach of the ‘no talking’ rule since a prisoner slipped on a stray dust-jacket and fell down some stairs.’

The letter reports that cousin Vinnie has jacked in the numbers racket and is now forging a new career in cut-price pharmaceuticals. ‘He’s making more money than he knows what to do with, but somehow Uncle Vito’s restaurant always seems to need investment, so the IRS shouldn’t be able to persecute yet another successful Grimbino entrepreneur.’

‘Of course, there have also been some sad occasions this year,’ continued the letter. ‘Cousin Joseppi hasn’t been seen since the summer when his loanshark business really looked like taking off, and unfortunately Lucky Luka got whacked after disrespecting one of the Carbano family. Still, these things happen, and it was a great excuse to get the family together. Let’s hope next time we meet under happier circumstances!’

The letter also reports that the twins, Luigi and Giovanni, are coming on leaps and bounds. ‘Luigi performed his first hit this year and Giovanni took the rap for him, though the case collapsed when a number of witnesses finally saw sense. Those two are going to be giving the authorities the run around for some time to come!’

‘And last but not least, the New Jersey Garbage company is holding up very nicely indeed. A number of hostile members of the local authority suddenly had a change of heart, and this year could see a record number of refuse collection contracts coming our way!’

‘Best wishes for the New Year,’ ends the unsolicited letter which recipients report discovering on their pillow when they woke, and the same night as their pets disappeared. ‘And fingers crossed that there’s no reason for you and your loved ones not to enjoy a happy and, above all, unharmed 2011. Would be great to catch up with you all soon, not least to clear up any misunderstanding about payment of your protection money.’

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Posted: Jan 2nd, 2011 by

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