Adulterers warned against memory foam mattresses

People cheating on their partners should avoid using memory foam mattresses, according to UnRelate the counselling service for adulterers.

‘An husband or wife may learn of their partner’s illicit rumpy-pumpy by the impressions ‘remembered’ by the mattress,’ explained Ms Amanda Lusted, UnRelate’s director. ‘For example, the impression left by a new, younger model, is very different from that left by an older spouse, who may be built like an hippo.’

Ms Lusted said that memory foam mattresses had even appeared in court as witnesses in acrimonious divorce cases.

‘Some people may not be aware that the mattresses can also store and replay coital grunts and cries,’ she added.

UnRelate advises its clients to do their shagging on firm surfaces such as the kitchen floor, the lid of chest freezers, or gravestones.


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Posted: Jan 3rd, 2011 by

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