Greenwich Mean Time becomes meaner in 2011 following Government cuts

cuts to last until 2015, or twenty five past eight, as it used to be known

As the chimes of Big Ben rang out and the cheers of the crowds in Trafalgar Square heralded another New Year, the Government’s little publicised plan to reduce Greenwich Mean Time by 1 minute per hour came into immediate effect. The Time Initiative Treaty means that every hour of 2011 will last only 59 minutes instead of the full imperial 60 minutes. ‘After years of Labour squandering, we simply cannot afford the luxury of 365 days in the year,’ announced Nick Clegg. ‘We’re not saying it’s going to be easy, but as we are constantly reassuring the Prime Minister, we are right behind the TIT.’

Coalition ministers have justified the change as being in the best interests of the nation. ‘In real terms, this is only a cut of 1.66%,’ said Energy and Climate Change Secretary, Chris Huhne, ‘but the benefits are huge as we will save considerably on our energy usage for the whole of the year. These savings will be passed on to consumers, who will be able to offset the saving against the 5% increases in fuel bills planned by the utility companies.’

The change was treated with caution by opposition spokesman, Meg Hiller. ‘Whilst I acknowledge that there is an apparent saving in our energy usage,’ she said, ‘I am deeply suspicious of any measure that the Tories have pushed a Liberal Democrat into announcing. It has to mean there is something very wrong going on here.’

However the Government also announced that it has abandoned plans to move north from Greenwich to further cut costs. ‘We were planning to relocate the meridian to introduce Preston Mean Time, but have decided it is against the national interest,’ revealed a government source. ‘Let’s face it, a week of PMT is bad enough, let alone encouraging it for the whole bloody year.’

Stan Laurel, with a nod to borednow

3 January 2011

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