NewsBiscuit

Devon and Cornwall Police announced a new investigative strategy for serious crimes which will focus ‘on people who wouldn’t hurt a fly and no-one would ever think could’ve done it’, a category that in hindsight provides perpetrators in over 80% of cases.

However it is rumoured  that officers creating the database of people they least suspect have hit  an unanticipated logical brickwall. ‘As soon as we put someone at the top of the list, he becomes a prime suspect and therefore has to be removed from the list of people we least suspect,’ an anonymous source admitted, ‘It’s a self-referential paradox waiting to happen’.

While refusing to comment directly on the reports, a spokesman said the force was  ‘expecting the unexpected.’