Buckingham Palace confirmed in a statement today that Her Majesty intends to take a Royal Dump in April this year to mark William and Kate’s marriage. Palace officials had earlier tried to constipate rumours of the impending dump, stating that it was ‘a purely private matter’ but were later forced to open up after extracts from emails were posted online by LizzieLeaks.com.
Royal Dumps are extremely rare natural phenomena. The last recorded dump was in August 1997 after the awful news had finally sunk in that Tony Blair was indeed her Prime Minister. News of a previous dump in 1964 transpired to be a false alarm and Prince Edward was born instead.
The announcement is further good news for makers of cheap commemorative tat, and many celebratory porcelain items have already hit the shops in addition to Royal Dump toilet paper, laxatives and air freshener.