London Mayor Boris Johnson has sparked controversy with a plan to demolish the Olympic stadium immediately after the end of the 2012 Olympics to make way for a derelict wasteland for petty criminals and drug pushers.
Under plans currently being drafted by private developers, the stadium will remain in place for only one week after next year’s Olympic Games, which it is estimated is exactly how long it will take investors to realise that no one is the slightest bit interested in athletics. It will then be demolished to make way for a massive retail park and entertainment complex, but the investors will quickly run out of money leaving a blighted wasteland to be used for gang violence and torching stolen cars.
‘This exciting plan will allow the Cockneys to do what they do best!’ exclaimed an enthusiastic Boris Johnson, unveiling the scale model of the rubble-strewn wasteland. ‘In the dangerous, semi-demolished ruins of the Olympic village, young entrepreneurs can learn to deal crack cocaine and spread sexually transmitted diseases. It’s no good pretending that young Londoners are the slightest bit interested in the triple-jump or throwing the discus. They want somewhere they can go for drugs, sex, and violence and this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to provide it.’
But former Olympic gold medal winner Sebastian Coe has slammed the plans to destroy the multi-million pound Olympic Stadium and all the infrastructure that was promised in the London bid. ‘If these plans go ahead, then England will be without a 50,000 seater stadium for people to look at a running track. Is that what people really want? Can we really envisage a society where tens of thousands of people do not want to travel miles and queue to spend ten seconds watching the 100 metres?’
However defenders of the plan point out that various sporting activities will continue on the former Olympic site, including East End variations on boxing, fencing and the numerous shooting events. ‘We might even see a bit of synchronized swimming,’ said one local, ‘if we happen to find a few rival gang members hanging out down by the towpath.’