The BBC World Service is to be replaced by a rolling 24-hour radio show presented by Foreign Secretary William Hague.
‘I have always dreamed of being a DJ,’ said Mr Hague, ‘as a small boy I would regularly spin classic vinyl of the speeches of Winston Churchill. I can’t wait to get down and funky with the global massive.’
The World Service, which is funded through the Foreign Office, recently announced that it was axing 650 jobs and would be cutting five of its language services.
‘I can easily do the jobs of these people,’ insisted Mr Hague, ‘I may not be fluent in 32 different languages but music is a universal language. Listeners will soon forget their need for an impartial news service when I start playing them tunes from my Abba collection.’
The new service will be broadcast live from the Foreign and Commonwealth Office, hosted by Mr Hague alongside regular contributions from visiting foreign dignitaries. ‘We are hoping to go for a zoo format,’ explained Mr Hague, ‘like Steve Wright in the Afternoon but with more emphasis on geopolitics.’
The show will feature regular phone-ins allowing the 180 million listeners worldwide a chance to engage in light-hearted jovial banter with Mr Hague about war, famine and global hegemony. There will also be exciting new competitions in which people can win foreign aid, an arms shipment or military intervention.
‘Every Sunday we will have a run down of the top 40 countries,’ said Mr Hague, ‘will China overtake America for the Number One spot? And where will Britain be this week?’ Mr Hague is also hoping to emulate the prank phone calls of Noel Edmonds in which he rings up world leaders and pretends to be someone of importance.
Speaking from his studio, Mr Hague denied that his show would be a throwback to old style DJs of the past. ‘Of course I am a big fan of Dave Lee Travis,’ he said, ‘Who isn’t? But I can be dangerous and edgy too, like Tony Blackburn. And to keep down with the kids I have even changed my name to Will.i.am.’
‘Hague FM will provide people around the world with an invaluable service,’ said the Foreign Secretary, ‘we have spent billions of pounds invading foreign countries, the least we can do for them now is lay down some funky tunes.’