Middle-aged Mutant Ninja Turtle found living rough in LA sewer

A Youtube video showing the former hero in a half-shell, Ninja turtle, Leonardo is causing an internet sensation.

Once the leader of a fearless band of anthropomorphic reptiles, trained in martial arts skills by a giant rat, Leonardo and his comrades were the blight of all minor criminals, wrong-doers and small time megalomaniacs throughout the 1980’s and early 90’s.

The cold-blooded quartet grew in fame and became the darlings of the cartoon, merchandise and low budget movie set. Their trademark costumes of colour co-ordinated face masks and knee protectors and the absence of any external genitalia, were as well known to children across the world as the gurning visage of David Beckham would later become.

However a resurgence in Batman’s popularity meant less and less crime fighting work coming their way, and eventually their star sank below the horizon as a new genearation of children failed to be impressed by one of nature’s least land-mobile creatures trying to wield a samurai sword whilst doing a reasonable impression of an emerging turd.

The group were forced to disband. Donatello, who had cleverly invested his royalty payments in a fledgling internet company, retired to Las Vegas to run a casino and is now enjoying a multi-millionaire lifestyle. Michaelangelo was last known to be working as A&R man for EMI, and Raphael slipped into gay porn.

Leonardo failed to make the transition from super-hero to average Joe and disappeared off the celebrity radar for nearly 2 decades. He was eventually spotted begging for scraps of fish outside the Bluewater Grill, Newport Beach and a video of him busting some rather shaky ninja moves for money was posted to Youtube.

The video went viral and Leonardo is now the star attraction on prime time magazine and chat shows. He is considering several film offers, including the part of a small water dwelling reptile in the forthcoming ‘Jurassic Park 4 – Flogging a dead Triceratops’, and ‘Orc Chieftain’s war helmet’ in the new Hobbit franchise.

Rumours that he was to be reunited with his 300 year old mother were quashed today after it was discovered that she’d been made into soup in 2002.

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Posted: Jan 29th, 2011 by

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