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Egyptians demand president who at least knows how to use Twitter

reassuring group texts required by entire populationEmbattled president of Egypt, Hosni Mubarak, has lost all hope of remaining in power after making a speech about the potential for dialogue and consitutional reform using the medium of television when the global audience, and vast majority of Egyptians, now only accept pronouncements on Twitter.

‘Some people were still undecided right up until the broadcast,’ tweeted the foreign minister of Jordan, ‘but after using TV to put his message across the president can only be seen, clearly, as being way way way out of touch. LOL!’

Hillary Clinton said in fewer than 140 characters that the situation was of ‘grave concern’ and urged ‘restraint on both sides’, before adding the hashtag #givepeaceachance. A further tweet from the State Department suggested that Mubarak ‘should really get himself an iPhone and learn how to use his thumbs’.

Foreign correspondents in Cairo frantically cut their reports down to the bare minimum before broadcasting them, and their use of emoticons throughout the day graphically portrayed the deteriorating mood of the demonstrators.

Taking a cautious approach so as not to entirely align himself with the views of the dissidents, Barack Obama opted at this stage to make comments on the slightly less influential YouTube, but hasn’t ruled out making a terse 140 character statement at some point if it appears to be in American interests, as confirmed in a tweet (via his iPad) by White House spokesman Robert Gibbs.

UK Prime Minister David Cameron meanwhile appears to have come out on the side of the beleaguered President, stating that the only place for violent civil action against military forces in a modern state is on the trickier levels of Angry Birds.

Twitter bird has been seen repeatedly flying low over Tahrir SquareMubarak has few options left, particularly now that the army has expressed its reluctance to intervene as several key generals are still sulking that state of emergency measures have meant they can no longer get a decent signal. A few loyal senior aides are still hopeful that a deal could be struck with the opposition, however, and believe that allowing the extraordinarily rendered to give real-time updates on their progress through the country’s jails could possibly buy some breathing space.

But time is pressing on the President and the demonstrators are adamantly refusing to back down. ‘For heaven’s sake,’ tweeted “Abdul72″ from Luxor, ‘how on earth can any country respect a President who still has a page on MySpace?!’

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Posted: Jan 31st, 2011 by red

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