The Home Office today confirmed that their latest technological marvel in the fight against crime and illegal activity – an online map of crime hotspots – has been stolen.
‘This is just typical. Typical of the sort of selfish attitude that spoils it for everyone,’ lectured Home Secretary Theresa May, at this morning’s press assembly.
‘Many, many people thought that having an exciting map that can show you how many murderers and rapists live next to your parents was a really good idea. It has been scientifically proven that being able to look at statistics of the incidence of violent and distressing crime has a calming effect on the population.’
‘I can’t believe that one of you or your readers has had the temerity to steal this exciting new project. I am therefore ordering the whole country to stay behind after work until whoever did this owns up.’