An elderly couple who jetted off to Egypt for a dream holiday in 1981 have spoken out today after their stay turned into a nightmare when the nation rose up as one to expel them. Hosni Mubarak, 82, and his wife Suzanne, 69, travelled to Cairo for what the brochure insisted would be a ‘trip of a lifetime’, but now a million Egyptians have marched on their hotel demanding they leave the country.
‘Holiday from hell doesn’t do it justice,’ said Mr Mubarak. ‘All the tours have been cancelled, there’s no fresh fruit and we haven’t got a wink of sleep thanks to the incessant chanting.’
‘It’s been very distressing for Hosni,’ said Mrs Mubarak. ‘He was so looking forward to a vacation, but now people are burning his effigy in the streets.’
The couple, both keen embezzlers, were promised a life-long stay of sun, sea and human rights violations, and are now suing their travel agent, the Central Intelligence Agency.
A spokesman for the CIA said: ‘The Middle East is one of our biggest and most popular resorts. While we recognise that our clients have high standards and any level of rebellion is unacceptable to the despots we install, the proportion who are overthrown remains very low.’
But Mr Mubarak vowed to fight back and is collecting statements from other iron-fisted tyrants who have suffered similar holiday problems.
‘The Tunisian elite, several Balkan mass-murderers – we all booked the same ‘Discover…Puppet Regimes’ package,’ he said. ‘One friend took the ‘Indescribable Iraq’ tour and was promised 5-star accommodation, but after 23 years the holiday reps moved him into a hole. Then they hanged him. That’s not a satisfactory level of service by anyone’s standards.’
The Mubaraks say they will visit Disneyland for their next break. ‘Mickey Mouse still gets a daily parade,’ said Mrs Mubarak, ‘and he’s been refusing free and fair elections in the Magic Kingdom for over 50 years.’