In between unprintable comments made during a tour of St Mary’s Orphanage for Transgender Chinese, Prince Philip revealed that the young couple fell in love with the lavish ceremonies shown on popular television programme My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.
‘They’ve decided to go full gypo,’ he said, in language which has drawn criticism from the traveller community. ‘Of course, I won’t be letting them use Buck House. I’m rather fond of the gravel drive, and we’ve got more than enough clothes pegs.’
Lisa Ronson, head of the British Traveller’s Association, said, ‘It’s a disgrace this is allowed to go on. We’re a proud people, and the last thing we need is to be tarmacked by association with a gang of freeloading inbreds like the royal family.’
Observers expressed surprise at the new wedding plans, but noted that the gypsy theme, characterised by opulent bad taste, may result in relatively few changes to the traditional service many had expected.
‘They’re already using a gaudy carriage, Kate’s already the colour of a blood orange, and, if you’re looking for spectacularly inappropriate outfits, Will has a bunch of military uniforms that might as well be fancy dress for all the fighting he’s done in them,’ said Queen Elizabeth.
‘However, we understand these events sometimes feature an unacceptably rough courting ritual known as ‘grabbing’, which borders on sexual assault,’ said the Queen. ‘So Harry should have a marvellous time.’