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New help-line ‘NHS Very Direct’ gives it to patients straight

In the wake of public sector cuts, the NHS Direct help-line is being re-launched as an automated service offering a range of blunt warnings, platitudes and threats.

‘At the more comforting end of the spectrum, standard NHS Very Direct advice will include ‘Take two aspirin’, ‘Things always look better in the morning’, and ‘Everything’s going to be alright’,’ said an NHS spokeswoman. ‘But callers may also hear ‘stop making such a fuss’, ‘don’t waste your GP’s time’ and ‘Oooh…that sounds nasty’.’

The randomly assigned responses will even warn some patients that they only have weeks to live, at which point ‘NHS Redirect’ will put them straight through to corporate sponsors, SameDayWills.com.

Doylem (hat-tip to malgor)

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Posted: Feb 12th, 2011 by Guest

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