Scrap Thieves Steal Salford

The northern city of Manchester has today been left devastated by the theft of its twin city of Salford.

‘It probably happened over the weekend’ surmised , Manchester resident Peter Fielding ‘To be fair, I don’t think anyone else had noticed.’ he added. ‘You sort of expect things to be safe in your own backyard, so to speak, don’t you? I realised someone had lifted it when I was dumping me Tesco’s trolley in the Irwell Trolley Park. I looked over the river and noticed it weren’t there no more. As I’m a honest, conscientious citizen I reported it to the police, later on that afternoon.’

A spokesman for Greater Manchester Police, reading from a statement said, “This heartless crime cannot be blamed on the recent reduction in bobbies on the beat. We have every confidence in P.C. Potter’s abilities to keep our streets both safe and litter free. The coincidence of this incident happening on the weekend he was in Llandudno celebrating his 50th wedding anniversary was extremely unfortunate but I hope you can all join with the Chief Constable and myself in congratulating Constable Potter and his lovely wife Polly.

In the meantime a dedicated team of senior detectives are flying to Jamaica, acting on a tip off from a travel agent that the weather over there is much more pleasant at this time of year.


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Posted: Feb 25th, 2011 by

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