Emergency drop of Star magazine quells Libyan fighting

Calm is gradually returning to the streets of Tripoli and other cities, after 100,000 copies of Star magazine were parachuted into the country by the RAF. This, reports say, has led to angry factions laying aside their differences and properly absorbing themselves in fatuous trivia for the first time in their lives.

‘The effect has been astonishing,’ said the BBC’s Matthew Amroliwala. ‘Mobs of protesters have surged away from outside the presidential palace and are currently sitting down over tea with the hated secret police, chuckling over how ghastly Kerry Katona looked wearing a fake tan in a yellow frock in Dancing on Ice.’

Campaigners have called off their demands for Colonel Gadaffi to implement immediate reform, agreeing that issues like which party controls the Justice Ministry are petty in the context of a woman whose husband slept with both her bridesmaids the night before the wedding. Meanwhile, most of the emerging Islamist groups have also voluntarily disbanded, agreeing that the tide of stories about Victoria Beckham’s pregnancy is too strong for them to fight.

‘A whole new world has opened up before our eyes,’ said former protester Said Messaouida, an unemployed 27-year-old engineering graduate. ‘Just look at this one ‘My Gran and I Star in Porn Movies Together’. What is porn anyway? Ha ha – just joking, we do have the internet in Libya, you know.’

Not all of the effects have been benign, however. In Benghazi, the truce lasted only two nights before erupting again as citizens and troops differed over whether or not Peter Andre had bullied Katie Price into not going to the Brits. Late last night, several hundred Jordanites were reportedly holding out in the citadal as thousands of Andristas hurled petrol bombs chanted ‘Death to the self-obsessed orange trollope!’.

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Posted: Feb 27th, 2011 by

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