NewsBiscuit

In a bold move to reduce the amount of time that passengers spend waiting for flights that never take off, Easyjet are to introduce the pre-cancelled flight. Hours of frustrating and pointless waiting will be eliminated and delays could be made a thing of the past. ‘Flights will be booked as normal with the added choice of pre-cancellation for a small fee,’ said an Easyjet spokesperson for a small fee. ‘Customers will no longer need to wait around in the airport living off overpriced takeaway food and choking on their own sense of injustice.

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Posted: Feb 24th, 2011
More from Business

Gregg’s Steak Bake has been awarded Unprotected Geographical Indication status. It means that the inexplicably popular snack can be produced, sold and consumed ‘wherever there is a ready supply of cheap, mechanically recovered meat’

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Posted: Feb 24th, 2011
More from News In Brief

Reports from monitoring stations have confirmed that the United States has restarted underground testing of the word ‘nuke-ulor’. The reports have been greeted with dismay by the international community. UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon describing the move as ‘an act of harassment, but without the emphasis on the second syllable of harassment’. Monitoring stations have been [...]

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Posted: Feb 24th, 2011
More from News In Brief

Former Smiths frontman Morrissey says he is ‘currently contemplating the warm, welcoming embrace of early retirement’ after his album of songs for children ‘Hello Young Persons Everywhere’ failed to chart this weekend.

The album, a long-standing ambition for the singer, contains a number of reworked children’s standards including ‘This Old Man, He Played One’ and ‘The Wheels on the Bus’ along with a selection of self-penned numbers including ‘Algebra is a Frightful Bore’ and ‘It is Inadvisable to Commence Your Sentences With a Gerund’.

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Posted: Feb 23rd, 2011
More from Arts/Entertainment

Crowds cheered as the ribbon was cut in East London today to mark the official opening of the 2012 Olympic Velodrome. However, the gathered dozens were soon left disenchanted upon discovering that a velodrome is just a curved track for people to ride bicycles as fast as they can.

The angry mob had no united view as to what they believed a velodrome was actually for, although a large majority did express the opinion that it involved futuristic men and women roller-blading and some sort of ultra-violence.

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Posted: Feb 23rd, 2011
More from News In Brief