NewsBiscuit

The news before it happens…

Archive for February, 2011

Motorway service stations to cater for reluctant dieters with ‘salad pie’

A revolutionary diet plan has been introduced for those people whose commitment to the cause of losing weight is slimmer than their waistline.

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Posted: Feb 19th, 2011
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Schoolboy scientist foresaw technology would be used for inane rubbish

told all his friends about it on the 'playground' social network but should have used more smileysA historic wrong has finally been belatedly righted, with the award of the 1971 ‘Science in Schools’ Essay Prize to Raymond Simmonds, a 52-year-old petrol station manager from Worksop. Simmonds has been hailed as a visionary for foreseeing that people in 2011 would be using technology to do much the same stupid crap as they did then in a slightly more advanced way. Way back then, he was just ridiculed.

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Posted: Feb 18th, 2011
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Coalition to unveil bold new proposal for ‘free hospitals’

The coalition has revealed proposals for the creation of ‘free hospitals’ in England and Wales. After the unexpected success of the ‘free schools’ programme, the Government has decided to bring forward plans to roll out public-run institutions in other services.

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Posted: Feb 18th, 2011
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Danish police arrest ‘mad Prince’ over ‘Blonde in the Pond’ tragedy

It was the mystery that had everything: love, intrigue, murder, insanity and feuding, all at the highest levels of society. But the drama that has fascinated all of Europe came to a swift conclusion yesterday, as police in Elsinore swooped to arrest Denmark’s Prince Hamlet two counts of murder.

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Posted: Feb 18th, 2011
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Police concern as ‘Pavement Burlesque’ craze takes city centres by storm

on the upThe Police Federation has expressed ‘mild concern’ at the burgeoning Pavement Burlesque movement breaking out in city centres and residential areas across Britain.

The latest offshoot of the Burlesque craze involves the largely female participants ’sexually empowering’ themselves through ‘provocative performances of perambulation’ in edgy inner city surroundings. ‘Flash mobs’ of motorists are encouraged to congregate and view the performances by driving along the chosen ‘performance zones’ at low speed.

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Posted: Feb 17th, 2011
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