When Dave Cormack finished tightening the nuts under the sink, he emerged at the feet of Samantha, taking in the view as he rose until his diminutive frame left his eyes level with her bosom. ‘That’s a pretty negligee,’ he said, ‘and a Yorkshire elbow and two hoses, call it thirty quid love.’
Posted: Feb 17th, 2011
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Veteran natural history broadcaster Sir David Attenborough announced his retirement from wildlife TV to fellow regulars at The Bears Head public house today, claiming that ‘most wildlife is boring’, and that he’d ‘seen everything rare anyway’.
Posted: Feb 17th, 2011
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After yesterday’s Wikileaks revelations, Nicolas Sarkozy has today confirmed that the “French language” is indeed a one thousand year old hoax. The president of France revealed that what purported to be his native tongue was in fact complete gibberish, admitting the French really speak English, except in the presence of the British.
Posted: Feb 16th, 2011
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Figures released today by the Monetary Policy Committee of the Bank of England show that financial hyperbole is now at a record high, and could continue to climb until your children have left home.
Posted: Feb 16th, 2011
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With the news that inmates of the country’s prisons may be allowed to vote, the lags of HMP Scrimshaw discuss their political affiliations.
Posted: Feb 16th, 2011
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