Bieber Fever, a virulent strain of the prepubescent hysteria that has affected millions of teenage girls worldwide since the early 1960s, is transmitted not just through CDs, merchandising and concerts but – dangerously – through YouTube, Twitter and illegal downloads.
Unveiling the vaccine, lead researcher Dr Serge Butterman explained that the virus has its pathological origin in the Beatlemania epidemic fifty years ago. Although that outbreak was contained, there have been a number of setbacks as the virus jumped from one female generation to another via carriers such as Abba, the Bay City Rollers, and Bros. ‘Bieber Fever is a terrible variant and we attribute its rapid spread to the outbreak of lip-syncing that became endemic after the outbreak of Milli Vanilli in the mid-1980s,’ Dr Butterman said.
The World Health Organisation has responded quickly to the most recent outbreaks. WHO medics were fortunately able to contain the self-replicating Jedward virus in the first stage of mutation by trapping it in a long pantomime run in Dublin. Experts are convinced that if each twin had divided into another two twins, millions of people around the world could have died from punctured eardrums.
It is suspected that Bieber himself, who is expected to survive, is not patient zero, but was himself infected by a dancing albino monkey shipped illegally from Canada.