Canadian scientists have announced today that pop phenomenon Justin Bieber is repairing the Earth’s ozone layer. Gatherings of teenage girls to worship the cute singer have led to notable increases in the gases squealium and sighdrogen, known to have a beneficial effect on the atmosphere.
The evidence is further backed by the fact that damage to the ozone is centred around the polar regions, areas that Bieber has never visited. Bieber’s mum played down rumours of a series of concerts in the Antarctic, saying ‘Justin doesn’t have enough warm underwear.’
However, number one Bieber fan Lindsay Vincent said, ‘I’d ride to Antarctica on the back of a three-legged donkey wearing my knickers on my head if it meant I’d be within half a mile of Justin. He’s so lush…’