Britain, the once proud island nation that ruled a quarter of the world’s land mass, has been euthanised at the Dignitas clinic in Switzerland, it has been confirmed.
‘It seemed like the kindest thing to do’ explained Britain’s European relative Germany. ‘He kept trying to pretend that he was still one of the big boys, entering into military campaigns he couldn’t really afford and acting like he was still one of the major world economies. It was so sad.’
Britain’s estranged cousin the US added ‘At every family get-together he went on and on about how he used to own us and how great the Victorians were, but at the same time he was constantly tagging along behind us and saying we had a special relationship. It was just embarrassing.’
A spokesman for Dignitas told reporters that the end came peacefully. ‘He mumbled something about going to a wedding next month, but we sat him down in front of Eastenders and injected some lethal tea into him, then he just drifted away in his sleep’ he said.