The mild weather hitting large parts Great Britain over the last couple of months has brought the country to a standstill. Britain’s road network has once again ground to a halt, with weather-stricken motorists caught off guard by the sudden arrival of flurries of sunshine.
Many drivers, completely overdressed for the conditions, have been forced to pull over on A and B roads to wait for conditions to degrade sufficiently to continue their journey, although most motorways are currently passable with care. ‘I’ve decided to wait it out here on the grass verge outside this Little Chef,’ said Cathy Jenkins, squinting against the glare. ‘I simply have no idea where my shades are and this sweater is much too warm to drive in, even with the sleeves rolled up.’
Younger motorists are also experiencing difficulties, according to Mike Wilkins of the AA: ‘It’s okay for us experienced drivers – I drove an ice-cream van during the heat wave of ’76 so I know what I’m doing – but inexperienced drivers, used to a panicky revving of their engine whilst wheel-spinning in first gear on an icy surface, are suddenly getting traction and careering off in all directions.’
However in certain parts of the British Isles, citizens are dismissive of these problems: ‘I don’t see what all the fuss is about,’ said one Channel Islander. ‘It’s only a bit of unseasonably warm weather – I can’t see what those soft northern nonces are complaining about.’
A number of recent road accidents have been attributed to poor visibility due to unnaturally bright sunlight or an inability to remember where the air conditioning controls are, while some road users have reported difficulties in maintaining control of their vehicles ‘without the comforting hypnotic rhythm of the windscreen wipers.’
Weather forecasters are, however, predicting colder weather ‘sooner rather than later’ as reports of worsening conditions in the Far East point to an impending nuclear winter, bringing a welcome return to more comfortable spring temperatures for UK motorists, although the summer could still be ‘less disappointing than usual.’
In the meantime the AA is advising its members not to take to the road unless absolutely necessary. ‘We suggest you only venture out for matters of extreme urgency. Leave the highways open for key workers, the emergency services and those wishing to go down to the coast for the weekend,’ advised Wilkins. ‘Also make sure you have the proper fine weather kit with you – sunglasses, a battery operated fan and a bottle of warm pop.’
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