With David Cameron’s call for the enforcement of a no-fly zone over Libya now a devastating reality, Nick Clegg has been given the go-ahead to press for action against Luxembourg, ‘in order to stop him sulking’.
‘For days now, he’s been moping around with a face like a slapped arse,’ revealed one parliamentary colleague. ‘He keeps moaning that it’s not fair that the bigger boys get to play with a major military and humanitarian operation without him. So we’ve agreed to let him spearhead a campaign against Luxembourg to stop him whingeing.’
In a specially convened UN session, Clegg outlined the need for a ‘robust response’ to the tiny Duchy’s ‘nastiness’. ‘They are a threat to global stability,’ he declared. ‘We need to show them that we will not tolerate their, um, whatever it is they’re doing and as such I am demanding that we take immediate action with erm, some sort of no-fly zone – but better than Cameron’s and with much bigger airplanes.’