The UN Security Council announced plans today to enforce the no-fly zone over Libya by sending up helicopters containing angry, noise-averse inhabitants of a small village in Staffordshire.
The entire Neighbourhood Watch Committee of Stockley-under-field, which lies on an accident-prone section of the A5, will be armed with clipboards, pens and placards saying ‘GRRRRRRR!!’ to wave at offenders, whilst also subjecting them to Paddington-esque cold, hard stares out of the choppers’ windows.
“We believe those planning to breach the restrictions will think twice when they are confronted by the likes of Mrs Joan Pollard of No. 6 Damson Drive,” explained UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon. “What’s more, her letters to the local paper are legendary. There isn’t a Mig in the sky that’s a match for one of her well-placed ‘why oh why’ literary earth-scorchers. I’m telling you, lads, we’re home and hosed.”