MoD to issue combat soldiers with armour made from grandfather’s pocket watches

The Ministry of Defence has swooped on antique shops across Britain after discovering that most Great War survivors had been saved by a future heirloom in their pocket, usually a fob watch or cigarette case, deflecting a Jerry bullet.

However, the MOD’s panic purchase of vintage timepieces, zippo lighters and other knick-knacks to fashion into body armour for the modern-day soldier has created a shortage, forcing Ministry procurement officers to compromise in some cases, issuing non-critical troops with grandfather clocks instead.

‘The typical long-case grandfather clock provides ample cover for the modern soldier,’ claimed General George McCartney, pointing out that the pendulum would probably stop a bullet, ‘although I would advise troops using one to avoid going out on stealth missions on the hour, half-hour or in certain cases, the quarter hour.’

Soldiers who complete a tour of duty with a standard issue grandfather clock will be in line for a gong.

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Posted: Apr 5th, 2011 by

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