Warring parents fail to agree terms for sex-in-the-house talk with teenage son

Don't know if they really don't want to know what they want to know

Talks reached deadlock between Cirencester couple Leonard and Susanne Davis, parents of seventeen year old Gus, over the line to take when they eventually pluck up courage to discuss the rules around whether he was allowed to have sex under their roof.

Initially hopes had been high of a quick agreement on the subject when both parents agreed that they were a house full of adults now, and that family dynamics had moved on from more repressed attitudes prevalent among their own parents’ generation. ‘Better him doing it here where he’s safe, rather than behind the community centre up against some bins,’ Mrs Davis had commented to nods of agreement from her husband. However Mr Davis sparked a deterioration in the debate when he added, ‘Still, if it was good enough for his mother…’

After a brief weekend of silence on the topic, talks resumed when Mrs Davis commented during Tuesday’s Champions League match that Gus ‘should have more respect for Hannah. Besides, she’s only sixteen’.

‘Hannah was last week; it’s Bethany,’ corrected Mr Davis, shifting uncomfortably on the sofa. ‘And she’s fifteen. But she looks older.’

Eventually, by the end of the Sunday Archers omnibus, partial agreement was reached on two points: Gus would be supplied with condoms so long as Mrs Davis ‘didn’t have to see them’, and Gus could entertain Bethany in his room so long as they called it a ‘study session’ and when they came out, looked and acted as though they really had been studying.

Talks ceased again when the couple were joined in the kitchen by Gus, who was slightly disturbed to see his parents looking awkward, flushed and shifty, which triggered flashbacks to being eleven and preparing a surprise Valentine’s Day breakfast in bed for them one February weekend. The family then casually discussed when Bethany might be popping over again in the near future, and Gus explained he would be picking her up straight after her netball practice that evening, and they might come back and work together on her project on plate tectonics for geography.

At this point Mr Davis was seen quickly jumping to his feet casually holding the Motoring section of the Sunday paper, and told Gus there was something his mother wanted to discuss with him. He then left the conversation to drill a discreet hole in Gus’s bedroom wall because he had ‘been meaning to get a CO2 alarm for in there for ages.’

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Posted: Apr 5th, 2011 by

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