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Royal Wedding Cauldron now outselling B-B-Q says B&Q

Retail giants B&Q have confirmed that their commemorative Royal Wedding Cauldron is now outselling both Union flags and the ‘Big Day B-B-Q’.

A B&Q survey discovered that most people would much rather place their vitals in a cauldron of boiling water than watch the tedium of a pair of privileged chancers and their fawning entourage, prostituting their horse-drawn wealth through the streets of London while the rest of the country wake up each morning wondering if they still have a job to go to.

The large cast iron pot is to be filled with lightly salted water, then suspended over a fiercely burning fire, and was adapted from a similar vessel believed to be used to by the Ashanti tribe of Central Africa to relieve their complete and utter boredom during the 2010 World Cup. Users can either boil their head or genitals, depending on their mood on the big day.

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Posted: Apr 6th, 2011 by Gerontius Bonalatty

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