Police forces have called in an Oxford don to explain the new speeding guidelines.
‘It’s quite simple,’ said the professor, smiling patronisingly. ‘The speed you can go beyond the limit before being done may be expressed as (S1-S) > ((S/((100-E)/100)+/- (100x(1-d1/d2))/100))+A)-S where S1 is your speedometer velocity; S = speed limit and E is the standard % speedometer error with a + or – factor of the additional % error for non standard tyres, with d1 being the standard tyre diameter and d2 the non-standard. You may escape prosecution if S1 > S2 where S2 is the maximum velocity of the chasing police vehicle or if M1 = M2, where M1 is your lodge and M2 is that of the Chief Constable.’
Offenders can either pay a fine or attend a speed awareness course where the necessary applied mathematics will be taught over a 5 year period.