Conservationists are calling for a quota system to be introduced to curb Noel Edmonds hunters after a survey by the World Wildlife Fund revealed that the species is facing extinction.
‘Since the creature emerged from obscurity in the 1970s, Noel Edmonds have been hunted extensively for their stylish and snug-fitting leather trousers,’ said a WWF spokesman. ‘But now the numbers of wild Noel Edmonds are dangerously low and sightings of their distinctive golden mane ever rarer. Only a call from the banker seems to tempt them out of hiding.’
DEFRA has now launched a breeding programme to preserve one of England’s most persistent, if inexplicable, species. However, initial trials have proved unsuccessful as one breeding pair failed to produce a young Noel Edmonds, instead giving birth to a lesser form of bearded tit, a Bill Oddie.